Refined in the Waiting

I am notoriously horrible at waiting. I get restless, I feel unproductive, and I question my worth. Like most survivors, I apply value to producing at all times, feeling the deep and dysfunctional desire to prove myself worthy to avoid hurt or rejection. Right now I am in a waiting season, and the promise I am anticipating is something I am incredibly excited about! There are nights I cannot sleep and days where I dream about what the future will hold. Each day I wake up, think about how I can further the work that belongs to God, fruitlessly struggle to produce, and then crash. If I was truly surrendered, I would feel free and at peace, and so I acknowledge that I still need to let go of my need to control the timing. I know that the promise is coming, and I am confident in my Father's provision and timing, so why do I continue to struggle every single day?

In my morning devotional, today's reading was Philippians 2:13- For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him. As I sat in the wisdom of that verse, I started to realize a few important truths. First, God is working in me, even if I don't see a tangible product of His work. The promise I wait for hopefully requires obedient stewardship and my Father must refine me and prepare me for the work. Secondly, God is giving me the desire and power to do what pleases Him. As I imagine my future, I can get pretty detailed with my own ideas and wants. God is surely using this waiting season to prepare me mentally, physically, and spiritually. He is instilling in me the desire to complete His work according to His will, not mine. He is giving me the desire to face challenges with positivity and energy, and filling me with the power I will need to complete difficult tasks. I think that in my limited human wisdom that I know exactly what the future will hold, but I have absolutely no idea because His plans and provision are so much bigger and better than anything I could imagine! Anticipation, by definition, is marked by a feeling of anxiety or excitement about a future event- we are not called to live in the anxious form of anticipation, but instead wait with hopeful excitement. In this excitement, we should be in constant communication with our Father as he gives us instructions on how to prepare for the new responsibilities we will hold. As I look at my past, I can see His hand perfectly guiding me even in every career decision, giving me the exact experience to build resilience and knowledge that will help me fulfill my calling. There have been seasons of work where I have begged God to move me to another position, but while waiting for change I have grown immensely! My teaching career in Houston was one of the most stressful positions I have ever held, and for the thirteen years I taught at that campus, I can say with confidence that the last eight or so years I was praying for an escape. Little did I know that obedience in my job would give me the chance to meet my wonderful husband Travis. We can't see the whole picture, and we rarely understand what is truly in our best interest; although it is hard to surrender to His timing, there is no one more loving, faithful and generous than our Father.

As you enter a waiting season, remember to draw close to Him, listen for His voice and prepare yourself with confidence so that you may have the desire and the power to complete the work He has lovingly assigned to you. There is nothing I can do as a mere human to ensure success, but when God has made a promise, He is able to miraculously complete it! He is not limited by human resources or even bound by science or nature, and if He has assigned you a specific future, you need only wait to watch it unfold with gratitude and awe.

Write this on your mirror, recite it when you feel anxious, and pray over it when you feel frustrated:

Exodus 14:14- The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.

He created the Earth with a breath, knows the number of hairs on your head, intimately knows the deepest parts of your heart, and has the authority to bring life where there was once death. He is all powerful and exceptionally loving and full of grace. Not only can He move mountains, but he has equipped you, with enough faith, to do the same.