Psalm 62

I am notoriously bad at waiting for things. Two years ago I switched from teaching Culinary Arts to Fashion Design and I began to plan the curriculum and activities, as well as create calendars a full eight months ahead of the transition. I believe it's fairly common for us to feel restless, especially when we know that change is coming. There have been various waiting periods in my life, and in each one, I forget how absolutely faithful God is during that time, and how impeccable His timing is, and what a mess it would have been if I had pushed ahead on my own agenda.

I got married at the fairly young age of 24, and my then husband was younger than me by 2 years. I had recently come off the rollercoaster of disclosing my abusive past, from my childhood to recent, and sat through an entire summer of therapy in groups, by myself and with my family. I was still angry with God about my suffering, and I fell back on my old coping methods of alcohol and dissociation. During this time, I met a guy at a party who seemed nice, wasn't a Christian and was nothing like my Dad. Perfect, I thought! I was already trying to rebel against anyone and everything. We got married in September of 2007 and by May 2009, I was holding a beautiful baby boy in my arms. The thing about choosing someone who you know deep down is horribly wrong for you in every way, is that eventually, they prove you right. After many nights of abandonment, calling every hospital and police station as my then husband disappeared to drink, party and start a band, I decided that I would not raise my son in chaos and I filed for divorce. I mourned that the first person I had trusted to care for me and protect me had abandoned not just me, but this tiny handsome human who we purposefully brought into the world.

The period after my divorce was wholly devoted to raising my son and ensuring that he was provided a safer and more stable childhood than I experienced. It was Edwin and me for twelve years of festivals, holidays, vacations and memories. My little dude was my ultimate bestie, and then one day when he was in middle school, I realized that he was in his room more and more. He had graduating from my bestie and had become his own young man, and didn't need me nearly as much as I needed him. I was so scared, but I prayed, asking God if it was finally time to try to date. During my painful divorce, I had run back to my Father, falling into His arms and was determined to follow His will in my life.

I was tentative to say the least when I signed up for online dating apps. There are a whole lot of creeps out there, and the internet really has no protective filter. I signed up in December of 2021 and began the painful process of dating in the 21st century. There were lots of tears as I realized how hard this process was going to be, and how few truly godly men were still out there and available.

After a few truly terrible experiences, I was on the verge of giving up, praying fervently to God to please help me find the person that I knew in my soul He had set aside for me. As a last ditch effort, I increased my distance outside of my town and as far as it would go, and pressed search with a hopeful heart. There he was, my husband. In Arkansas. I knew it the second I saw his face. We started dating in March of 2022, and were married by October. To say that my husband is one of the most beautiful gifts my God has given me is the ultimate understatement. He is my protector, provider and ultimate love and best friend on this earth. His presence in my life has healed my broken heart in ways and to depths I cannot describe.

This summer I was reading in my Bible, and I stumbled across Mark 11:24, reading "I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you've received it, it will be yours." The date was January 2022, in the midst of the struggle to try to meet someone and feeling so hopeless and frustrated. I remember in that month I decided I would surrender to God, ready myself to meet my husband, and wait. God rewarded my obedience to prepare myself and wait with allowing me to meet my wonderful husband. Yesterday, I was reading in my new devotional; I purchased it specifically as I am in another waiting season, trying desperately to obediently wait and be still, knowing that God is fighting for me. I find myself trying daily to hurry the process of waiting, as if I had the power to control anything in this world. Last night, the Bible verse for my devotional was Psalm 62:1, and as I opened to that page, I saw an handwritten date again...January 2022. "I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him."

I am overwhelmed by God's goodness. I am humbled by His provision. I am grateful for all of His blessings, and I know from past experience, that if I wait obediently, be still, stay in His presence and actively prepare for His blessings, that He will bring something to fruition that is even more beautiful than I could have imagined. I'm here now, sitting in a classroom that I love deeply but feel restlessly unattached to as I move into the next chapter of my calling. As I reflect on this coming school year, I must acknowledge the beauty of the waiting, the blessings that will walk into my classroom and change me for the better, and then incredible work my Father is doing behind the scenes, because no gift from Him requires my striving and earning. When I look back over my life as a whole, there is so much wisdom in the waiting. There was so much growth as I trusted Him to hold me and sustain me in my transitions. It's not in my nature to be still, but I am reminded daily that the victory is already His. No matter what this school year brings, and when the provision I seek will arrive, I know that I am exactly where God wants to be in this moment.

So you'll find me here, in room 1110, loving my students and preparing for the next chapter with confident anticipation.